Children can face danger or stress without it becoming damaging, as long as a caring adult is there to buffer the impact. For instance, a calm adult presence or comfort after the stressful event, such as verbal reassurance and a warm embrace, can help a child regain a natural state of calm.

Toxic stress, however, arises when a child is in a chronic, overwhelming stressful situation that doesn’t have the support of a nurturing adult. This occurs when children are in situations where they feel unsafe for long periods, such as experiencing neglect, violence, physical or sexual abuse, emotional trauma, or living with a mentally ill parent.

It's important to note that children can experience ongoing stress without it becoming toxic if they have a supportive adult who helps them feel safe and shields them from emotional overwhelm.

Effects of Toxic Stress on a Child: Chronic stress can significantly affect the brain and body, leading to long-lasting neurological and physical changes. Children experiencing toxic stress may react intensely to even small stressors, struggle with anger and anxiety, and find it hard to feel secure in relationships. Toxic stress can also impair immune system functioning, contribute to chronic inflammation, and eventually increase the risk of conditions like heart disease and high blood pressure.

Signs of Toxic Stress: Younger children might withdraw, have frequent tantrums, complain of physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches, have trouble sleeping, or experience nightmares. Older children and teenagers may become withdrawn, defiant, engage in risky behaviors, or act aggressively towards others or themselves. Across all ages, toxic stress can lead to constant anxiety and difficulty focusing or calming down.

Supporting a Child Through Toxic Stress: Adults can be most helpful when they empathize deeply with the child’s experience, trying to understand what they’re going through. This can help us instinctively know how to provide comfort, whether it’s physical, emotional, or protective. Ideally, removing the child from the stressor is best, but when that’s not possible, emotional and physical comfort from a loving adult can reduce the impact of chronic stress.

Self-Care for Adults: It’s hard to support a child through toxic stress if the adult feels overwhelmed too. One effective strategy is to acknowledge the situation, saying something like, “I am in a stressful situation, and my child is with me. There are things I can do to protect my child.” This can help refocus attention on the child’s needs while also acknowledging the importance of protecting oneself.

Seeking Help: It's vital to seek support from family, friends, or support groups. There’s no shame in needing help. Let people you trust know what you’re going through so you don’t feel isolated. Accepting help is an important part of self-care, which ultimately helps you better care for your child.

By Sherry Solano

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